ALIEN: COVENANT
The Alien movies are great – mostly great – okay, there are some great ones – alright, there are two great ones – okay, I’ll level with you, I saw the first Alientwo decades ago and when I watched I thought it was fine but it feels disrespectful to not say it’s great – fine, I’ll be straight with you: I like the movie Aliens.
Alien: Covenant is also an Alien movie. It’s apparently the sequel to the prequel but I don’t know. Once your franchise goes past three movies I feel you’re allowed to miss a few. Let me watch Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chipwithout having to have seen Chipwreck, okay? What I’m saying is I don’t have the biggest grasp on the Alien mythology. I don’t have a lifesize Xenomorph in my bedroom. Sorry.
Speaking of which, when I was a kid there was a guy I knew a couple of years older than me who was the son of family friends, and he had so much Xenomorph stuff. Whenever we were at their place, he’d go "Check this out" and show us a pretty big Xenomorph model and I’d be like “That’s cool. I haven’t seen those movies cause we’re super Christian.” And then he’d show us his pet lizard. Because, yeah, the kid who was big into the Alien movies was also big into having a lizard around. No kidding.
Alien: Covenant, like all Alien movies, involves a bunch of grunts and some scientist types and a robot person having a run-in with the parasitic super-fast super-lethal aliens who run about and kill people. There’s a ship. They hear a human transmission from a nearby planet and like idiots in every movie they go and investigate. And LO AND BEHOLD THEY START GETTING KILLED OFF BY ALIENS. This movie throws a neomorph into the mix. Which is like the xenomorph but when we first see it the creature is much smaller. It’s also white. Pretty crazy stuff happening over in the Alien franchise.
How would I fit into Alien: Covenant? If through some dumb luck I found myself employed on the ship Covenant seeking out a world to terraform, I would approach it with the same level of dedication and commitment I’ve approached all jobs that I’ve ever had.
IF I WERE IN 'ALIEN: COVENANT' I WOULD: DIE BUT AT LEAST I WOULDN’T HAVE TO FINISH THAT TWELVE-HOUR SHIFT
