MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN
It really is a shame that the early 90s trend of ‘serious horror movies that you can tell are serious because the author’s full name is in the title’ came to such an abrupt end after Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Sadly Frank flopped after arriving fresh on the heels of Bram Stoker’s Dracula killing the trend before it got truly out of hand. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein’s failure robbed us of the chance of getting a super serious Oscar-baiting R.L. Stine’s The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight, and for that I will never forgive it.
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein has a rough reputation as a bloated mess and in the early goings of this rewatch I thought it was holding up remarkably well. “This is better than I remember” I thought on a couple of occasions and then Robert DeNiro shows up as the Creature and the movie falls apart. DeNerio is so miscast as Frankenstein’s monster. It’s ridiculous. It’s so silly. Nobody wants to see him do this. Why did he agree to do this? He has such a 20th century head, that it doesn’t make sense to the brain seeing him play a character who existed before 1930.
The other problem with the film is that behind the camera and in the leading role is Kenneth Branagh. And Branagh absolutely cannot help himself. He is shirtless so often in this film. There should be rules about how often you can appear without a shirt in movies you’re directing (see also: Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves). Some people have it and Branagh does not have it. Whatever he thinks he’s doing in this movie, he is not doing.
On the other hand, Helena Bonham Carter is, of course, absolutely right at home in a gothic horror movie. There’s nothing Helena can do to save any of this. The problem might also be that maybe Frankenstein ... sucks? It’s a bummer! It’s depressing! This is me in 1818: “Eh. Not for me. I’ll wait for the new Jane Austens they’re publishing even though she died last year.” This is me in 2022: [Googling ‘what books came out in 1818’]
Where would I fit into Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein? Well, there isn’t a ton of room for your favourite bald headed comedian but there has to be some way I could squeeze my way into Frankenstein’s workshop to cop a gander at his creature.
IF I WERE IN 'MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN' I WOULD: BE LATE BACK FROM MY LUNCH BREAK AND FIND THE LAB IN COMPLETE DISARRAY, THE CREATURE GONE, THE DOCTOR BESIDE HIMSELF, I WOULD HAVE TO GET A NEW JOB, I WOULD NEVER GET PAID FOR MY LAST WEEK OF WORK, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRIED TO FOLLOW IT UP, IT WOULD ONLY GET WORSE AFTER HIS WIFE IS KILLED BY THE CREATURE, THEN IT STARTS TO FEEL WEIRD TO CHASE UP THE MONEY, EVEN THOUGH HE DOES TEHCNICALLY STILL OWE ME, YOU KNOW
