MIDSOMMAR

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If you do a quick Google of Midsommar you’ll cop a geeze at the section “People also ask”, which is all I want with every Google search I make. What’s the rest of the world pondering about whatever it is I’m typing into this search field. Type in the word ‘Midsommar’ and you get a couple of curious folks asking the universe:

“How bad is midsommar?”

Do you mean – how bad is the movie? Or how bad are the bad things that happen in the movie? If you mean 'how bad is Midsommar as a movie?' The answer is – it’s not. It’s great. It’s full on, cathartic and presents a world that is both horrific and beautiful. If you mean, how bad does it get? Yeah, it gets pretty bad. It’s gruesome. A lotta heads get a lotta squished.

People also ask:

“Why is midsommar so scary?”

Now this is a great question. Somebody has clearly been told they should see Midsommar, and they’ve been told that it’s scary, and they don’t know how to approach the film. Maybe if I know WHY it’s scary then I’ll have some idea going in of what to expect. It’s scary because sometimes boyfriends are lousy and the only way to finally feel like you can fully express your emotions is if you find a Swedish cult that murders people as part of a festival.

“Is midsommar real story?”

God you’d fucking hope not.

“What do Swedish think of Midsommar?”

This is the best question, because apparently they find it quite comical in Sweden. They find the whole Swedish pagan cult thing very over the top and amusing. I love so much the idea of Midsommar being Sweden’s Ace Ventura.

How would I fit into Midsommar? I love me a Nordic country. You know how much perverts love Japan, that’s how much I love myself a Nordic country. I’m big into Scandinavia and Finland. I highly recommend following the Instagram account Finland Memes. I have no idea what most of them mean, but I’ve come to understand that Finland is a country filled with people who hate other people, love a sauna and despise all those damn mosquitos. Had a great time in Denmark a couple of years ago, and there’s no reason to imagine I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be dragged along on a trip to Sweden with my pal Christian, his mates and his super depressed girlfriend Dani, who he really is a shit to.