THE CONJURING
When I first saw The Conjuring in cinemas back during the Obama presidency, which is how I always refer to 2013, the film spooked me so good that night I had to sleep with the lights on. I’ve been creeped out by movies before. I’ve had nightmares before. And I’ve definitely felt like there was a shape in the corner of the room watching me, only to turn on the lights and find out it’s a jacket hanging on the door. But I've never, as an adult, had to sleep with the light on before, so I would go so far as to say that The Conjuring is scarier than a coat.
The Conjuring tells the story of the Perron family who move into a creepy old house in Harrisville, Rhode Island in the ‘70s. Soon Mum, Dad and their five daughters start to experience some not-so-normal goings on; feet are being grabbed and pulled while they try to sleep, there are strange smells in the room, and somebody or something wants to join in on the family’s weird creepy version of Marco Polo where they walk around blindfolded following the sound of clapping.
As the terror escalates the family seek help from Ed and Lorraine Warren, a pair of married paranormal investigators, played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. They come in to kick the demonic presence out and in doing so kick off a billion-dollar franchise, which, for my money is the only true cinematic universe. You can have Doctor Strange, Quicksilver and Ant-Man, I’ll take Bathsheba, The Nun and that Feeley-Meeley board game from Annabelle Comes Home.
Of course, the one big question about The Conjuring that bounces around in my mind: “How would I fit into all of this?” It’s all well and good that these characters are going about their spook-filled lives but what about me? What would it be like if I, Peter Jones, were in The Conjuring?
The Conjuring takes place in 1971 and I would not be born for another 12 years. There is only one solution to this: a mid-credits sequence that flashes forward to the year 1993. A simple additional scene where it becomes clear that the middle child from the Perron family, Christine (played by Joey King), has moved to Australia to get as far away as possible from the trauma of her childhood. She’s started teaching primary school and it is there she meets our hero.
IF I WERE IN 'THE CONJURING' I WOULD: SURVIVE BUT BE SLEEP-DEPRIVED
