ESCAPE ROOM

Don’t mind a bit of an escape room and I don’t mind a bit of Escape Room, if you get me. Kate & I have done a couple of escape rooms; one we did when we were drunk where we had to track down a serial killer, and another stone cold sober where we had to get to the bottom of the mystery of why that escape room was so poorly put together. The only thing scarier than a maniac on the loose, is a clue that doesn’t work because the numbers have faded off all the surfaces because the place sucks. Murder is scary, what’s scarier is having to call a disinterested attendant into the room for the sixth time.

On the other hand, Escape Room (the movie) presents the ultimate in escape rooms. The rooms in this escape room movie are insane. Ridiculous. These rooms couldn’t exist, even in this fantasy realm on the silver screen you’re still like “Okay, sure, but I don’t believe any of this for a second.” Saw is an absurd franchise but at no point during those movies do I not believe that a weird dungeon filled with barbed wire couldn’t exist.

The plot to Escape Room follows a group of people that are invited to take part in the ultimate escape room experience, but the rooms are deadly and people start to die, as is horror movie tradition. As the characters navigate their way through the rooms they discover that behind all this mayhem is The Gamesmaster and the Puzzle Maker, and that’s the sort of mythology that franchises are based on. You know by now I love a sequel. I especially love the subtitles they give sequels for no real reason. SECOND CUT. ANOTHER SLICE. And instead of calling it Escape Room 2: More Rooms they went with Escape Room: Tournament of Champions, which is such a stupid ass name for a movie. But they did it. They named it that. And I love it.

How would I fit into Escape Room? All of the people invited along to take part in the escape room are chosen for a very particular reason. Now, I’d like to think that the Gamesmaster would have invited another skilled puzzler along to be a part of this deadly game.

IF I WERE IN 'ESCAPE ROOM' I WOULD: SURVIVE THE ESCAPE ROOM BUT CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE GETTING THROUGH THE REAL WORLD