MANIAC COP

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Imagine this premise: a BAD COP who is KILLING PEOPLE. Do you dare suspend your sense of disbelief this far as to create such a fantastical character in your mind? Maniac Cop is about a murdered police officer who returns from the dead and starts killing people. If you think that sounds ridiculous, how about this? HBO are currently adapting this 1988 goof-fest into a TV series from the guy who made Drive.

Maniac Cop is one of those movies that exists to be watched by you and your best pals when you all first move out of home. You get drunk or stoned and hang out and talk absolute shit over the top of the movie because one time, many months ago now, you found the perfect film to do that with and you had the time of your lives and it was the hardest any of you had ever laughed and you’ve been chasing that same high ever since and even though you keep trying you can’t seem to find a movie that hits the same way. That’s how one of you found Maniac Cop and said “What about this? It’s about a cop that kills people. We can watch this and then Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.”

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Maniac Cop stars Bruce Campbell, the king of the B movie. I would love to know how much money Bruce has pulled in doing signings at conventions over the years. Forget your big paycheck for landing a superhero movie; how much are you pulling in from signing photographs after starring in a couple of campy horror movies? A quick search reveals that he’s getting $40 per item. How many people are attending these things? 250,000 hit up the New York Comic Con in 2018. Let’s say even just 500 of them want themselves some signed Bruce merch. That’s $20,000 right there. Bruce, if you’re reading this, please let me know how much money you make every year from this sort of thing.

Why do I bring all of this up? Because I don’t really want to talk about Maniac Cop. It’s obviously a bad movie about an undead cop that comes back and starts killing people and Bruce Campbell has to stop it. There’s a couple of sequels. One of which is called Maniac Cop III: Badge of Silence, which I think is a pretty funny title.

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Where would I fit into Maniac Cop? I used to work in IT support at IBM and one of the accounts the helpdesk would take calls for was Victoria Police. They’d call up and I’d help them with their computer problems. Let us imagine a world where IBM picks up a new client and that is the NYPD in 1988 and Peter Jones has to start taking their calls.

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IF I WERE IN 'MANIAC COP' I WOULD: GO TO LUNCH FIVE MINUTES EARLY, RETURN FROM LUNCH TEN MINUTES LATE AND FORGET ALL ABOUT THAT COP

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